Handshakes and Heartbreaks

"I thank everyone who has caused me to suffer.... without you i would have no reason to express myself"

A SOLITARY SOLILOQUY

This solitary moment in this crowd of lost souls

This solitary soliloquy to the ones we behold

To pick one when there’s a choice of too many

I run around in circles, not end up getting any

I reach the bitter end to fall down like a feather

But its kind of hard when I can’t predict, o worthy weather

One hand leads me to the Styx to quench this thirst

The other seems much darker, but better than the first

Wise, O wise Virgil do guide me through this trance

The Golden City… I may not get another chance

Soon the first is chosen for these lips are running dry

Dry, o dry lips, they burst and start to cry

The chosen leads me through the gate, the gate of utter doom

With no light hope or glass I am trapped in this room

Brave, o brave heart you can’t afford to break right now

But what’s the point of trying, you’re going to break somehow

All hope is lost, this heart is broke, another endless night

Another endless moment, these moments shout to fright

Young, o young hope give me lightness from above

Give me joy give me pain give me lightness from my love

And so, these lost souls choose those other, travelled ways

And I sing this soliloquy, a song of old days.

LAST TO BE DEVOURED BUT FIRST TO BE YIELDED

Begging for bitter sacrifice, in this beggar’s banquet

Consciousness, rather uncommon in these common hours

Devoured, be me, at first sight of the ruler of us all

Yet yielded again, Goddess Hestia, shall trip and falter fall

Consume me in ignorance, your brilliance is my darkness.

Stepping down for sweet sins, in this pale passive pantheon

Consciousness, rather uncommon in these common hours

Devoured, be me, my broken back against the wall

Yet yielded again, Goddess Hestia, shall see you stand tall

Consume me in vengeance, your brilliance is my darkness.

Burning this beggar’s bitter hearth, forever felt at bay

Consciousness, rather uncommon in these common hours

Devoured, be me, enlightened, forever held appalled

Yet yielded again, Goddess Hestia, shall burn this heaven’s hall

Consume me in penance, your brilliance is my darkness

Living all lonely lives, in all bleak and broken houses

Consciousness, rather uncommon in these common hours

Devoured, be me, alone and feeling small

Yet yielded again, Goddess Hestia, broken left to crawl

Consume me in repentance, your brilliance is my darkness.

Consume me in consciousness, your brilliance is my darkness forever

The Once Piece Of Paper

Here lays an empty page infront of me

Waiting to be filled just like the others

And no matter how much I try

It should be stained with my life

A diary so delightfully sad,

That it echoes through the deaf and the dumb

A diary so mournfully happy

That it causes tears to trickle down a mountain

A diary so powerfully passive

That forces a saint to cause a sin

A diary so cheerfully painful

That the outcasts rage out in masses

A diary so humanly helpful

That it can educate the literate

A diary so dearly divine

That it can bring a dead man back to life

A diary so solemnly contradicted

That it cannot be read, or written or learnt….

And it is upto me

To make this diary the best story that ever existed

It is upto me, to make this once piece of paper, the best story that ever existed.

The Intruder (part1)

Theres something in this room, this very moment

Breathing down my neck, crawling up my pale skin

Only if I could see through the darkness and move another inch

It’d be for certain that he has come again to haunt me in my sleep

The oil in this lamp may not last another minute

Though I wish it lasted till the sunlight scared him away

But his arrival makes time move slower, and my heart beat much faster

Oh goliath intruder, please don’t turn the doorknob tonight,

And let me rest in peace

Oh my crimson savior, please don’t shout and fright

And let me lay in ease

Theres something that causes the floor to creak and grunt

And this silent room is ousted by screams

But my uninvited guest is nowhere in sight

And I believe he is here again

Oh goliath intruder, please don’t turn the doorknob tonight,

And let me rest in peace

Oh my crimson savior, please don’t shout and fright

And let me lay in ease

The night doesn’t seem to bid farewell

And the sun couldn’t have crawled up any slower

How I pray this being doesn’t hurt me

And how I pray this being isn’t there at all

He is welcome all day, chooses only to doom the night

And whatever people may believe, I know that it is here to stay

Only if I could move my hands and choke him to death

Only if he was for real, only if I could move

 Oh goliath intruder, please don’t turn the doorknob tonight,

And let me rest in peace

Oh my crimson savior, please don’t shout and fright

And let me lay in ease

Oh goliath intruder, please help me out this freeze

Help me out this freeze

STEPPING STONE

I came here, made new friends and alibis

Brothers, sisters, but now I see through your lies

A friend today, a sucker tomorrow

Left me with nothing, left me with sorrow

Your memory hasn’t yet left my head

Because of me and you, another boy has bled

It must something too small for your cuckold eyes

Because I can now see behind your lies…

All I can say is, you are one of god’s mistakes

Because of you, anothers heart has aches

Probably you should consider an apology

See through the eyes of others, see what they can see.

I will apologise, I see my mistake

To reconsider those hearts you did break

Don’t do it again I pray,

Stop and reconsider what you say

Because my feelings were true,

I reaaly felt for you,

A few events, and millions at your bay

Stop faking, hallucinating, tomorrows a brand new day

Time doesn’t pass, the way it used to then,

The ay I left, to leave my empty den

And one day is all it took

To see whos the lover and who is the crook

You tell me something,

Tell me brother another

Your caught red-handed

I will make you shudder

It isn’t right, I don’t blame you entirely

What that boy was, and what he will be

And yet another eve he’ll bleed

Before your forgotten please do plead

And please don’t give into that influence

You’ll have nothing to save your dreary defence.

Don’t do it again I pray,

Stop and reconsider what you say

Because my feelings were true,

I reaaly felt for you,

A few events, and millions at your bay

Stop faking, hallucinating, tomorrows a brand new day

Finally, I hope you read this well,

For those others, whose lives now are hell

But when you stand tall, the world does fall

A blemished hle, with half a dozen unblemished souls.

However, you will remain my friendliest enemy

While you lead the path for other, serenity

I hope no one makes those mistakes again

Back to that day, the day I knew you when

When you left my life all alone

And  was used as a stpping stone.

 

OPENING WOUNDS

This place never felt so low as it did that day

I feel as if im alone in a forest, nobody to hold me, nobody to save me

The day I picked up the razor blade and decided to bleed away

I feel as if theres nowhere to go, nowhere to be alone

A smile is a distant reality, true friends are wasted fantasies

My blood has never smelled sweeter

This pain is a part of me and it has to stay this way if I am to live another day

Days feel longer than they ever have and open sores are all that I have left in this world.

I feel as if Im alone in a crowd, nobody to hold me, nobody t save me

Passers by cant help but laugh at me and my blackened eyes

I cant get enough of these purple pills, I cant get enough of these razor thrills

The feeling of blood pouring out of my wrist is the best feeling I have ever had

I may think ending it right here would be much better than living under pain, both from the outside and the inside

But something is pulling me from the edge, and something is pushing me too far, to jump off right now

Waking up in the morning with tears in my eyes, and sleeping at night with blood, anaesthetized

I wish the next time I close my eyes, I sleep forever

I cant live this way anymore

I feel im alone in this world, nobody to hold me, nobody to save me

I wish I forget to breathe, I wish someone, someone would hug me

Until I forget the world, and the world forgets me

But I wish that boy doesn’t fail to forget me.

My Medusa

Solitary as ever, that day saw something strange

That 4 letter word, it forced me to change

That wretched instant, your eyes turned me to stone

And in the bitter end, you left me all alone

Medusa, me love, you made me skip a beat

Those glaring eyes, had swept me off my feet

Love, still a dream, as things moved so slow

With some things forgotten, my heart was bound to go

With no intention, I broke your tired heart

My heart is crying, as I sever my skin apart

Those three words, have again changed my life

Love is a dream, no, not again the knife.

As solitary as you are, can dry all my tears

Cause you are the reason, I face all these fears

You are the reason, I feel all this pain

But you are the person, who can cause this to change

The end would be blue, I should’ve known from the start

This heart still beats for you, my Medusa, my heart 

When Silence Is Melodious

I paid you with my sweat

And it is I who has these scars

It is I who wasted my breathe on you

And you take the glory away

I cannot take revenge

As Nemesis is your control

All I can make you feel is guilt

And that guilt will last you forever

I will stay silent throughout

And work my way to glory

Only to learn, that you take the glory away

It is I who sweated

It is I who fought

It is I who spent an eternity

And It is my blood that is spilt

It Is I who is responsible for that glory

And you take that glory away

You take my glory away

With an army by your side,

And me all alone across the bridge

Solitary as lonely men will ever be

For if I truly created that glory

It is who can match it too

But only if I ever get a chance

An eternity, it took to create the glory

And seconds to take the glory away

Seconds to take my glory away.

AN EPITAPH

When the moment turned from black to white
He was ready, to fight the night
He wore his armour and tightened the ropes
He was ready to change and counter all hopes
Mundane and cool, he entered the cage
One wrong word, got us enraged
He tried to make up and apologized
Brewing like thunder, he closed his eyes

When all the loops of his life were undone
He tried and tried but couldn’t run
His life on his back, he tried to stand tall
Us being so many, he had to fall
His torn black clothes, his tired black eyes
No one on his back, he looked to the skies
Infront of me, he lay withering,
The tears in her eyes were glittering

With remoarse, with fear, I raised my sword
“oh Mars almighty, oh Ares my lord!”
My heavy sword couldn’t swing with ease
Before my eyes, he rested in peace
Crawling to Punishment, with no fault of his own
Growing pale and skinny, he was left alone

Now, with guilt and fear, I drive his hearse
Pleading to succeed, to reverse this curse…